So the new year is here and given that last year was a little lousy, I’m hoping for better times. 2013, do not let me down!
The year ended on a bad note for us as a country – I’m still having sleepless nights about the girl who went to watch a movie and never got home. I am trying to put my thoughts together – my interest lies in why we don’t pay as much attention to daily atrocities against women. How many times a day do we silently put up with filthy perverts in buses? Around Diwali time, I went on a trip to Sringeri. There were no direct buses so I travelled to Dharmasthala and then took three buses late afternoon to get to Sringeri. It was around half eight at night when the bus neared Sringeri. It was the last leg of my journey. The bus had about half a dozen passengers and it was a quiet bumpy ride through the plantations. Now I was seated right behind the driver. The conductor came by to give the ticket and then decided to sit right next to me. Now this would have been acceptable if the bus was fully crowded and there were no seats left. But this was a bus with at least six rows of vacant seats! I don’t speak any Kannada and I was very new to the region – so for the first few minutes I did not know what to make of it. I stayed quiet. About two minutes later, he spread his legs in a very vulgar manner, leaving me with no choice but to crouch in a corner.
I gave him the dirty look. Didn’t work. Stood up. Shouted. Flung my arms. Pointed to the seat across the aisle and asked him to move. He didn’t budge. Said I could move if I had a problem.
I said asshole and moved across the aisle, my travel bag in tow. For the rest of the journey I sat in peace but now when I think back to that night, I am aware that things could have gotten bad.
I’m talking to friends to ask how they have resolved issues like these on a daily basis. What are their personal stories of courage? Maybe in some weeks I will be able to collect my thoughts and put it all in writing.
On a fully different note, one of the things I would to change about myself this year is to not have too much on my plate. Atleast on two occasions this year I signed up for events with gusto and later lost the motivation to be there. Distance is certainly a deterrent but then I will have to factor that in before I make a decision to sign up.
One of the phrases that I am borrowing from last year is to be happy. It helped me greatly through 2012. 21 day habit or not – today I can easily tell you I have been happy as a clam almost everyday. I am fully conscious of my right to be happy and do not let circumstances around me dampen my mood or let people’s actions or words stop me from being my best self. Of course this involved culling a few relationships which I think is perfectly okay because all I need is positive energy around me. Not my-life-is-a-pity types or you-don’t deserve-to-be-happy types. The habit proved good at the workplace too because it earned me the cheerful label in my appraisal! That’s another thing I believe in – spreading good cheer directly affects productivity.
Happiness is also important to me at this point of time because my personal relationship is somewhere on the rocks. So I have a choice here – I could either wake up most mornings grouchy about how things are or choose to wake up happy as a lark looking forward to the possibility of another new day, another new opportunity to spread cheer and be kind.
So be happy continues to be on the list.
What do I wish for?
- A DSLR 🙂
- A holiday to the mountains, to the waters or to Srilanka.
1. Enriching friendships – 2012 brought with it some lessons and I will not invest time in the manipulative ones anymore.
2. A happy marriage – Now this is a difficult one. I really want to be happily married to K but we have been extremely unhappy from the beginning. My cause of unhappiness was his mother’s involvement/presence in the marriage and his worry was that I was not getting along with her. I feel sorry that he is unable to strike the fine balance that many Indian sons eventually learn to do but I’m also terribly torn myself (his mother never failed to bring out the worst in me and the only way I can avoid that is to walk out of the marriage – a a very heavy price to pay). What makes this whole thing even more difficult is that I truly like K, like adore him completely, so I truly miss his presence in my life, but he will never know. I know there have been times when he truly cared for me and wanted me to have all the best things that he could afford. He is in fact one of the nicest souls I know – gentle, humble and kind. But the only opinion he has of me right now is that I am the vamp who dislikes his mother and is prone to outbursts anytime. We have been living apart for over six months now with no contact – there have been times when I’ve missed him acutely but all I had access to was his facebook profile. My prayer to the Universe this year is to let him know how much he is adored and missed. And for us to be together, forever.